Crisis Alert
by ShamMage
Summary: We all have predicaments, but the Gryffindors have more than most. They try to keep them hidden from the rest of the school, of course, but every once in a while something will leak out... They juggle trying to keep their House secrets and their personal lives intact and apart, but it's getting harder and harder for them to do so... Slytherin!Harry, Smart!Ron, and Scary!Hermione.


Crisis Alert

*Crisis #1*

_Harry gets a pet snake._

* * *

"What. Is. That?"

It was early morning. The sun was shining. The birds were chirping. And chaos was in the air…

Ron Weasley stood immobile in the doorway leading from the boys' dormitory to the Common Room. He was staring, petrified, at the creature that lie coiled around his best friends shoulders.

Harry smirked, pushing up from the Gryffindor red armchair that he was lounging in.

"You like?"

Ron stared some more.

He looked around the Common Room.

They were the only ones there, leaving Ron to face this situation on his own.

Harry was watching him, eyebrows raised, waiting for his response. The snake around his shoulders stirred, slithering forward and raising its triangular head to look at him as well.

The redhead swallowed, eyes locked with beady black. He dragged his eyes up to look at his best friend.

"Why the hell do you have a snake?" He managed to get out, finally.

Harry grinned. "I found him slinking around the kitchen this morning, looking for some rats to consume."

He reached up and uncurled the snake from his neck, and let it re-slither around his forearm.

"So I decided to bring him back here and feed him."

Ron opened his mouth to say something, then paused.

"Wait. Why would you bring it _here _to feed?" He asked instead. "Why not just feed it in the kitchen? And what on earth were you doing there that early in the morning?"

Harry frowned, and stroked the reptile absentmindedly. "The house elves were seriously terrified of him. They were all like, 'Eep! The creature is going to get into the foods! Oh noes! And maybe the creature will eat us-es! Yarg!' I mean, I'm paraphrasing, of course, but that's the gist of it. So I kind of had to take him away from there." He ignored the last question entirely.

Ron pressed his lips together. "Perhaps this is something that you will refrain from mentioning to Hermione. You know that she's still stuck on the SPEW thing…" He grimaced.

Harry wrinkled his nose up in distaste. "Oh, don't worry. I am going to do everything I can do not to fuel her fire on this subject."

He shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. "But anyway! Wanna hold him?"

He held up his arm, extending the serpent towards the red-head.

Ron backed away. "You know, I'd really rather not."

Harry gave him a look. "You're going to have to get used to him sooner or later, Ron. He is here to stay, after all." He lectured.

"Woah, woah! Now just wait a second here!" Ron blurted out, his hands coming up in front of him. "You're not going to _keep_ him, right?"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Did I not just say that I was?"

"But- but you can't!" Ron shouted.

The snake hissed at the noise, and the Weasley flinched at the sudden sound. He continued on, however this time he made sure to keep his voice level.

"Harry, are you sure that that's a good idea?"

Harry pursed his lips. "I certainly don't see why it would be that _bad _of an idea. The poor bloke has been hungry and lonely ever since he was birthed. If I keep him as a companion, these problems will be solved!"

"Yes, but think of the ideas that people will get of you! Quite a few of them hate you already for 'lying' that Voldemort is back!" Ron said ardently. "This would just egg them on!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "I've already considered this, you should know that. But I really don't give a flying fuck what the majority of this stupid race thinks. It'll be fine!"

Ron bit his lip, but decided that he should let this one go. It was clear to him that Harry was adamant on his decision, and he knew that he would never get him to change his mind.

He sighed. "What's its name, then?"

Harry grinned broadly, his eyes lighting up. He knew that he had won.

"Him, not it," he corrected happily. "And _his _name is Chair."

There was a pause.

"Should I ask?" Ron said finally.

The green-eyed boy shrugged. "He told me his name in parseltongue, but it just sounded like the word chair in English. See, listen."

"_SssScchhshaaairr."_

Ron frowned. Though he may have gotten used to his best friend talking in snake language, it didn't mean that he understood it any better. "I don't know mate, that sounded more like 'share' to me."

Harry shrugged. "Well, maybe a little. But at the time it seriously sounded like chair."

He took a step closer to his best friend and presented his arm to the red-head. "So? What do you think of him?"

Ron brushed off the issue of the snake being named Chair and bent forward slightly to take a closer, if not cautious, look at the animal.

Coiled docilely around his companion's arm, he looked to be around two and a half feet long, and about an inch or two thick around the middle. Chair the snake was a light green color, with darker green markings zigzagging down his back in the shapes of y's. His eyes were black as obsidian, and his tongue, Ron noticed, was a deep red color. He would flick it out every so often, tasting the air, drinking in the surrounding scents.

"I think that you are going to have a bloody hard time not getting anyone else to freak out." He declared finally, straightening back up again. "But I don't think that he's so bad."

It was a grudging admittal, but it was an admittal none the less.

Harry grinned and opened his mouth to say something, but it was at that moment that a loud shriek came from the top of the girl's staircase.

Lavender Brown came rushing down the stairs in a frenzy, wand at the ready.

"Diffindo!" She shouted, brandishing the wand at Harry.

He yelped and dove to the side, the hex whizzing past his body by an inch. He came up from his roll, wand at the ready. Chair was hissing in agitation and slithered up to Harry's neck, though he did not seem to be hurt.

The hex smashed into the back wall, slicing through a Gryffindor banning, creating a jagged gash lengthwise through the proud lion's body.

Ron had already disarmed Lavender, and was holding her wand in his left hand, pointing his own at her steadily, a hard look on his face to match his friend's.

They spoke simultaneously.

"Explain."

Lavender swallowed, her eyes darting between the now double wands trained on her and the furious snake.

By now a large group of Gryffindors had gathered behind the girl, attracted by the horrified scream. Most of them had wild hair and pajamas, having just rolled out of bed at the commotion. Half of them were armed in some way. They noticed the serpent still wound around Harry's neck, the way he did not seem at all bothered by this fact, and hushed, shocked, whispers broke out among them. "Blimey…" Seamus muttered.

Harry blinked, realization dawning on him. "Wait… Did you seriously just do what I think you just did?"

He let his wand arm drop to his side and stared at Lavender incredulously. "Did you _seriously _just try to kill my snake by shooting a dangerous hex at me that could have no doubt taken off my arm?"

Ron clenched his jaw. _"Lavender."_ He ground out.

The girl swallowed again, but spoke as defiantly as she could in her present situation. Her voice shook.

"Harry, you had a snake around your arm! I thought that it was going to attack you! How was I supposed to know that-that, that it was your bloody _pet!"_ Her voice rose at the end of her sentence, the edges of hysteria peeking out.

Lavender Brown was deathly afraid of snakes. So when she had started down the steps of the girls' dormitory and seen one wrapped around her housemate's arm, she had expected the worst. Admittedly, she could have given her actions just a bit more thought than she had, but she had done what she had deemed necessary. It had not even occurred to her that one would genuinely _want _to be _anywhere near _a snake.

She grit her teeth. "Give me back my wand, Ron."

The boy in question scowled but tossed it to her none the less.

It was then that Hermione Granger made her appearance, diffusing the tension somewhat.

The portrait that ceded entrance to the Common Room swung open and the bushy haired girl entered.

She had a thick textbook under one arm, and a glass of orange juice in her hand, clearly having just come back from breakfast. Hermione was the kind of girl who got a head start on everything. She would wake up early in the morning, get ready for the day, and visit the Dining Hall for a snack, before most of her housemates were even stirring in their beds.

She stopped abruptly when she got a look at the scene she had come across.

Hermione scrutinized at them all. Then she carefully made her way to the couch and coffee table in front of the fireplace, and set down her drink, book, and bag.

Then she turned to look at them and finally spoke.

"Just _what_ is going on here?"

She frowned at Harry and Ron, and then noticed the snake. Her eyes widened.

"Harry, is that a _snake?"_

Harry sighed. "Yes. This is a snake."

Chair hissed, and a few Gryffindors jerked back.

"He says hi."

Hermione put her hands on her hips.

"And just _what _is he doing here?"

Harry shrugged and recited the story that he had told Ron.

"I found him in the kitchen, he was hungry, and I decided to keep him."

Well, most of it…

"Why the hell would you think that was a good idea?" A sixth year Gryffindor blurted out, his hand still clenched around his wand. "If this gets out, it'll ruin our rep!"

Harry raised an eyebrow, and crossed his arms. "Would it really? After all, I _am _Harry Potter, the so-called Boy-Who-Lived. The Chosen One. I am a parseltongue. If I turned up with a snake one day, would it really be all that weird?"

The sixth year Gryffindor grimaced, but didn't respond.

"And anyway, I have no doubt that you would beat up anyone who thought that you weren't the epitome of Gryffindor spirit." Harry shrugged.

The other boy glared at him.

Hermione sighed. "Harry, stop picking fights. Just tell us, are you really serious about keeping it?"

"Him." Ron and Harry both corrected at the same time.

"But yes, I am."

Ginny Weasley, a giant grimace on her face, stepped forwards. "Harry, please… I know that it-_he's_-your snake, but would you just rethink this one? For me?"

Ron frowned. "I didn't know that you didn't like snakes, Gin."

Ginny stuffed her hands in the pockets of her fluffy green bathrobe, and suppressed a shudder of revulsion. "I didn't used to… But, well, you know…" She trailed off with an uncomfortable look.

Ron clenched his jaw as he realized what his little sister was eluding to. _Stupid, Weasley, stupid! _He berated himself. _Of course she'd be remembering that!_

After second year, and Ginny had recovered from the magical drain she had sustained in the Chamber of Secrets, she had not been able to look at any snake at all without nightmarish thoughts of her experience resurfacing in her mind. She may not have seen the basilisk that had been the torturer of many, but that did not mean that she did not know of it… Just the thought of what could have happened was enough to make her ill…

Harry sighed. "Ginny, I know how you feel. I _really really _do. But I can't just abandon this snake for something that wasn't his fault. If it makes you feel any better, I will make sure that we stay as far away from you as possible."

Ginny scowled. "Don't be ridiculous, Harry. You're my friend. I'll just have to get over my stupid aversion."

Ron smiled at her proudly, though not before he shot his best friend a slight scowl.

Harry pretended to look regretful. "I'm sorry, Ginny. But I have to say, that's a very admiral thing you are going to do."

Lavender Brown , now standing next to her friend Parvati, did not seem quite as placated.

"Harry Potter, not all of us like snake as much as you apparently do!" She glowered. "And anyway, it's against the school's rules to have anything as a pet other than a cat, owl, or toad!"

Harry smirked. "That's true, but you are forgetting!" He spread his arms. "I told you! I'm Harry Potter! If I ask Dumbledore, you think that he'll say no?"

Parvati scowled. "You're being very arrogant, Potter."

"No, I'm just aware of true facts." He grinned.

Hermione sighed. "Harry... Stop. Picking. Fights."

Sensing an opening, Colin Creevey hesitantly stepped forward, followed shyly by his younger brother Dennis.

"C-can I take a picture of him, Harry?" He stammered uncertainly.

Harry beamed. "Why of course you can!" He reached up and unwound the now calm snake from around his neck, and held him steadily in both of his hands, so that the boy could snap his photos.

"What's he called?" Dennis asked timidly.

"Chair."

Everyone stared.

"You named your pet snake Chair?" Alicia Spinnet blurted out incredulously.

"There's a back story." Ron told her helpfully.

She shook her head. "Okay. Chair. Right. Never mind."

Alicia smoothed her hair down, readjusted her tie, and then walked to the portrait exit. "I think I know enough. Harry, I support you, I really do, but I would really like to get going. Breakfast ends in twenty minutes."

And with that she walked out of the room, letting the portrait swing shut behind her.

There was a plethora of yelps and swears, as most everyone realized that they still needed to get dressed and ready for the day. There was a mad scramble as they all dashed up the stairs to their respective dorms.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Chair all moved over to the couch and table where Hermione had set her stuff.

"I am okay with Chair, Harry, but you're not going to bring him to breakfast, are you?" Hermione asked anxiously as she picked up her paraphernalia hurriedly, casting her friend a sideways look.

Harry shook his head. "Nope. There's no reason for it, and I don't think that he'd like that very much, anyway."

He bent his head so that he was eye to eye with his snake friend. _"Hey Chair. You hanging in there okay?"_

Chair's tongue flicked out, feathering lightly against Harry's cheek. _"Yesss. Your companionsss were a bit bitchy, but I like thessse two that are here with you now."_

The teen grinned. _"I know, right? Anyway, Chair, you remember my explanation on how to get out of here?"_

Chair bobbed his head. _"Aye. You exssplained it to me numerousss timesss."_

"_Then it is time for us to part ways!"_ Harry leaned down without further a-do and placed the snake on the floor, where he slithered under the couch that the three teens were sitting on.

Hermione stood quickly, followed by her two male friends.

"We really need to get going. If we are going to eat, we need to get to the Dining Hall very soon!"

Harry grabbed his bag from beside the armchair that he had been sitting in when Ron had first walked down the stairs, and slung it over his shoulder. Ron grabbed his off the couch where he had haphazardly thrown it the night before and put it on as well.

"Ready." Harry and Ron chorused.

And they were off.

* * *

**Hey there people! :D How's it going? I have decided to write a story, as you can see, and I am very glad that you have decided to take the time to read this! **

**If anyone out there has any ideas for a crisis that they would like to be included in this story, you can tell it to me in a review, and I would love to see what you come up with! :)**

**UnknownLep13**


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